COLUMN: Grumpy, of Diss - ‘Are cosmic forces behind my missing things?’

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Apparently, our Milky Way could already have begun to collide with the galaxy Andromeda, according to Nicholas Lehner and his team of scientists of the University of Notre Dame, India.

Using information supplied by the Hubble Space Telescope to draw their conclusion that – Andromeda has a huge halo of gas, they predict our galaxy ‘probably’ has the same halo effect which could mean, the collision of galaxies arrives an estimated four billion years earlier than anticipated.

I mentioned this to a good friend of mine who suggested she might not bother with cleaning her fridge out given such a revelation, and it got me thinking.

Could this be the reason things in the Grumpy household have been going awry of late?

As Galileo once said... “In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.”

I’ve been looking for a scientific explanation for why stuff keeps going missing in or around the premises.

Perhaps it is the collision of galaxies or maybe not, but I’m not ruling it out.

My sunglasses went walkabouts. I was upset. On sunny days my eyes have taken great exception to being unprotected from the glare of our star.

I hunted high and low for them: telephoned around in case I’d inadvertently left them behind somewhere ­ considered reporting to police their theft ­interrogated Mr Grumpy to see if he’d ‘borrowed’ them – and even wondered if they’d somehow slipped through an Einstein ­Rosen Bridge (wormhole) to be worn by someone else who resembles me.

Two weeks later, my sunglasses were returned unharmed. All I really know for certain is, they were hidden.

And then, there were the caravan keys that mysteriously disappeared and nearly drove me quite mad with frustration given the annoyingly expensive change of security locks that ensued.

They were held hostage for over a year! Yes, a whole 12 months I spent fretting over what had happened to those keys.

Then out of the blue, while retrieving something from the over-stocked out building formerly known as the shed, there they were, in full view, as if they’d never been away.

We currently have a number of items on the missing list. I’m hopeful they too will be returned once the universe or whatever, has finished with them.

Anyone else with similar problems want to start a support group?