And this year I have done a significant chunk of it online.

I foolishly made the decision to venture on to Norwich's high street on a Saturday. The experience was wholly exhausting.

Shopping next to bargain hunters who positively froth at the mouth at the prospect of a cheap gift isn't pleasant.

And what of that poor Wal-Mart worker in America, trampled to death by stampeding customers on the day of a sale.

No, online is where it's at. No queues, no screaming kids, no hyper-ventilating consumers groping at department store mark-downs – just set your budget and buy accordingly. Or so I thought…

You can waste hours internet shopping.

Let's say I wanted to buy dad a book, which first means trawling through reviews to see what is good in a particular genre.

Then you look who stocks it, searching Amazon, Waterstone's, Play.com and others.

Then you scrutinise who is cheapest, easy enough you may think, but hang on, one charges postage and the other doesn't. But then another one might offer a free gift-wrapping service.

Then of course you have to register with the website, create an account, set up passwords and enter addresses.

By the time you actually press "buy" you realise you have gone without food and water for five hours and your eyes are fizzing and your mouse hand is crippled.

To top it off, five days later, you realise dad's book is too big to fit through the letterbox.

You pathetically curl up on the doormat after getting in from a long day at work, whimpering and clutching a red Royal Mail card reading: "Sorry…you were out".

Merry Christmas everyone.